Finding "Balance" Through Mindfulness: Strategies & Resources May 2020 Newsletter
Hi friend,
How are things? Feeling balanced? What is balance, anyway? Is it even a thing?
I once took a 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course online, and it taught me something about “balance.” Throughout the course, there were daily, hour-long practices, rotating between a body-scan meditation and yoga. I loved the body scan, because I would usually fall asleep, but I hated the yoga practice because it wasn’t fast enough to be called exercise, but it was still too painful to be relaxing.
Here’s what I mean. There was one “balance” that I found particularly annoying. Moving from my hands and knees, I would have to raise up and hold one arm and one leg on opposite sides. The hold seemed to last for minutes, and after awhile, it could be quite painful.
Right in the middle, the teacher would say in her super-calm yoga voice, something along the lines of, “Isn’t it interesting that ‘balance’ is actually just a constant series of micro-movements.”
And I would want to punch her in her face for her calm voice, and her use of the word “interesting” to describe the fiery burning in my muscles.
I sort of hated it, but I kept practicing. Eventually, her words began to mean something.
So how can we find balance?
There is no such thing as balance—meaning complete equilibrium or stability… Balance is really just a constant series of never-ending micro-movements and adjustments.
The “myth” of balance has led me to unreasonable expectations.
This then lead to anger, sadness, and anxiety when these expectations aren’t met.
I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone a few weeks ago about a situation that wasn’t meeting her expectations during shelter-in-place. She was struggling to find balance emotionally because she wanted her situation to be different than it was.
At one point, she said, “I’m just angry because my expectations aren’t being met.”
I literally burst out laughing. Yass, girl! That is exactly how I feel literally feel ALL THE TIME!
If only reality always met my expectations, or the story I am telling myself about how reality should be, then I would never have to feel uncomfortable.
While balance isn’t exactly static, one way to find more stability amidst movement, is to get grounded in what’s right here, right now. We can do this through connecting with our physical sensations: sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. .
Here is a mindfulness-based grounding practice.
1. Pause: Take a breath
2. Notice: What do you see, hear, smell, taste, or feel right now
3. Note: Name 5 sensory details
4. Savor: Rest for a moment in one of these sensations before moving on with your day
For example, right now I can hear the floor creaking as my husband and kids walk around upstairs. I can smell the spicy, woody scent of incense burning. I feel the soft comfort of my new, cozy sweatshirt, but also some soreness in my legs from sitting a bit too long. I can see soft lamplight and shadows in the dim room.
What do you notice right now? Does connecting with this moment through your senses help you feel a bit more grounded?
(Virtual) Hugs,
Brandi
P.S. – I am in the middle of an email series on dealing with difficult emotions. In case you missed it, check out my toolkits on managing sadness and anxiety. Frustration toolkit is coming soon! If you love them, check out my new offerings dealing with these topics.
List of Resources for Finding Balance:
Curious What I Actually Do? Listen to this (Podcast) — Listen to my conversation with Debbie Penzone on her podcast “From the Outside In.” PENZONE Salon and Spas has been a client of mine for the last few years, and I’ve been part of their wildly successful brand and culture shift! Together, we've created more ways for team members to feel connected to and engaged with the PENZONE mission, to live the brand's message of wellness and human connection, and to incorporate mindfulness tools that will help everyone to stay resilient and engaged. At the same time, we've improved communication systems and become more responsive to the needs of each of the 450 team members and every one of their 6 salons. Know what else? They are doing an AMAZING job of reopening safely and I am psyched to get back in their salons! They are a local business you can feel wonderful about supporting right now!
Letting Go of Productivity (Article) – This New York Times piece affirmed for me that I shouldn’t care if that Issac Newton "discovered gravity during quarantine." (Didn’t anyone else see those posts?) When all of this first started, I thought I was going to finish my second book. Yeah, not so much. Just a little reminder to be gentle with yourself (if you need to hear it like I did).
Oliver Jeffers is so Cool (TEDTalk) – While I remember reading and loving author and illustrator Oliver Jeffers many beautiful and insightful children’s books with my youngest son, I had no idea how hip he was! In this TEDTalk, see Jeffers in person, and also hear how we explained what it means to be a human on earth to his young son, and how we can think about humanity and the earth in this difficult time.
Immortality is a Real Thing (Podcast) — The Hydra, a tiny sea-living creature, is apparently immortal. The man who discovered this fact, however, is not—and has no interest in being. This is a bit science story and a bit personal profile. The real through-line of this podcast from Invisibilia, however, is the appropriate balance of seeking growth and appreciating stillness in a human life.
Want more?